The winds of change

My faith isn’t something I talk about very often. It’s something that I am very protective and sensitive about. Plus, I feel like with politics and religion, someone is always going to have something negative to say or someone’s feelings will get hurt. The thing is that this is my blog. It’s my life and my feelings. I fully realize that not everyone will agree with what I feel and that some might take offense. That’s not at all my intent. This is just a place for me to vent.

In our church, the average lifespan (not literally) of a bishop or branch president is around 5 years. Then they are released and someone else is called. Twice a year (each) we have general conference, ward/branch conference, and stake conference. Sunday was our branch conference so there was a lot more people there than usual. The air conditioning system was designed very poorly so it got really hot really fast. One of the formalities of any conference is that we sustain all of our leaders. Regardless, it caught me completely off guard when the stake president released our branch president. He then called the 1^st counselor to be the new president. The whole feel of the meeting changed almost immediately; like I could feel the change in the atmosphere because it was so noticeably different. The previous president was asked to speak, followed by his wife. Then the wife of the new president spoke followed by the new president. Don’t ask me specifics about what they said, but they were great. The spirit was so strong and it was such an uplifting feeling. During the meeting, I was sitting next to Anna Schmid. She and her husband moved in about 2 years ago. I remember this time in my life specifically. I was almost exactly where I am not; stuck in this complicated juncture where I’m not single but I’m not a parent either. Most of our friends were not church goers who enjoy drinking and smoking. I liked that Jesse and I had mutual friends, but I hated always being the one who was sober. I hated the way and the things Jesse and I would talk about after or that once he got started he didn’t want to stop so we’d get home late or I’d have to leave without him and worry until he got home. I had been praying every night for a friend…someone who understood me who had the same beliefs. Anna was truly an answer to my prayers and I am fondly reminded of this every time we sit together. We share a passion for music, the tone of our voices matches pretty closely, and she brings out the best in me. Music is what really helps me feel the spirit and when I sign with her she helps me sing the conviction I feel. When she moved here, she was very early pregnant (I don’t think they even knew or were telling people yet). It was perfect because she understood how important being a mother is to me and she understood how I felt about this juncture in my life. Now I have a new best friend (even though she lives almost an hour away) and I can somewhat live vicariously through her. The song that we sang after the 4 speakers seemed to fit perfectly, like I could feel the truth of the words I was singing. It felt incredible! Then the stake president spoke and though I don’t remember the exact words he said, I remember how they made me feel. I felt like I belonged, like things were right, and a peace that everything was going to be ok. It was rejuvenating! The last hymn we sang really impressed upon me as well. Just as before, I could feel the truth of the words I was singing and how much being a part of this church really meant to me. I felt at home like I was surrounded by family. The people I go to church with are my family. We love each other. We take care of each other. We come to church on Sunday, not because it’s what we know we’re supposed to be doing, but because we want to be there. Geographically, we are quite spread out and that can make it hard to be close to each other, but when I come to church on Sunday I am reminded that I am loved, that I am needed, and that I am wanted.

I feel lonely sometimes out here in Sheldon, because most of the main body of the branch is in the Spencer/Spirit Lake/Estherville area. The families that do have kids don’t live close enough for us to babysit. When you’re kids and you’re friends it’s ok to just show up to ask if your friend can come out and play, but when you become an adult the rules are a little different and I’m still trying to figure out how that works. I recognize that the families with kids don’t want to pack up their munchkins and drive an hour to a home that’s unfamiliar to them, but I’m not quite sure how to go say “We’d love to come to your house sometime” without being intrusive. I love being social and I’d like to have the opportunity to get to know other families and their kids, but I don’t know how to go about it without being weird or rude. I had talked to one of the ladies about maybe kidnapping her girls. At the time, I thought Jesse would be working nights for shut down and I thought it would be fun to have them over for like a sleepover party. They’d get a night away from the kids and I wouldn’t be lonely while Jesse was working. Plans changed and now Jesse is working days for shut down, but I talked to her about it again today and we are going to have them over all day Saturday. I’m really looking forward to it! We are going to go swimming and then I’m going to teach them to make homemade ice cream. Then maybe we’ll eat it while we watch a movie. One of the girls said, “You’re the best babysitter EVER!!!” I love kids; always have, but my nieces and nephews are all far away so we don’t get to do these types of things with them. How do you sell yourself as the nice lady that all the little ones love without raising suspicions of your true intent? I’m working on that.

This last weekend we went out of town to see family and to help my cousin re-side his garage. It always makes me kind of sad that we don’t have a better relationship with Jesse’s niece and nephew. They don’t get excited to see us and sometimes I feel like they don’t even care about us or want to know us. This last weekend I realized that we hadn’t really made the effort to be important to them either. I’m going to work on that too. How do I expect them to get to know me if I keep a safe distance every time I’m around? Justin has been up to our house before with Jesse’s mom, but Autumn never has. I decided this last weekend that I am going to make more of an effort to make good memories with them. I’m working on a plan to have Autumn come stay with us for a few days some time before school starts.

I've started my job at Bomgaars and for the most part I like it. I have a feeling it's a little clique-y but that's ok. I'm kind of dreading starting my hospice job. I've never done hospice before and I'm not looking forward to driving. I want to be a part of the Sanford company but I don't know if this job is really where I'll be happy. I'm actually kind of scared that I'll hate it. We'll have to see how it goes. I was in Sioux Falls for orientation every day this week. I learned a lot and met some neat people but the hour and 20 minute drive to and from really sucked the life out of me. I'd get home and we'd have dinner and I'd pretty much be ready for bed. I haven't hardly seen Jesse this week, but today I got done at like 11:40 so I was home before 2. It was so nice!! 

Next week we are having a big barbeque for our anniversary and we are gonna cook up those pesky birds in our backyard, have some family up, and just have a good time. I'm really looking forward to it! Plus Jesse built a new bed frame for our bed (from scratch) and we are going to wait till our anniversary to sleep on it. I'm so lucky to have a husband who is handy and can build/fix things!

That's all I really have to report. Thanks for reading!