Crap

I woke up Sunday morning and was feeling ok, not completely well rested but ok. I took my Prilosec, took the dogs out, and went and picked Jesse up from work. The last couple days had taken a toll on both of us. With family around and too much going on we were both stressed. We had been bickering more than usual and started right where we left the night before. He went downstairs to sleep and I started getting ready for church. I was trying really hard to just calm down and not over-react. I started thinking that maybe we should just not talk about this particular topic, but I need to be able to talk to him. That has caused problems in our relationship in the past (which made me feel sad.) The more I tried not to react the more my thoughts just spiraled out of control. I started thinking about how we hadn’t been saying our prayers together lately and how long it had been since he’d let me read to him. It made me feel like it wasn’t something that he really wanted to do, but something he was doing to placate me (which made me feel sadder.) If that was the case, it would be something we would fight over later in life once kids were involved. Before I knew it, everything seemed hopeless, like I was stupid to ever believe I could have what I wanted in life. I went downstairs to try to get Jesse to come sleep upstairs. I had fought back and forth with myself over doing this because I wanted him to want to be close to me without me having to ask. He was already asleep and not easily awoken. I tried to get him to come upstairs but he wasn’t awake enough to comprehend what I was asking him. I went back upstairs and finished getting ready, but then I realized that I did not want to see anyone. I didn’t want anyone to ask me how I was or where Jesse was. I fought back and forth with myself over whether or not to go to church. I knew that my mother would tell me that times like this are when we need to be spiritually rejuvenated the most and that I needed to go even if it was just for sacrament meeting. However, when it really came down to it, I just did not want to talk to or see anyone. I was so proud of myself because I was ready early and had been kind of looking forward to having more time to socialize before the meeting started and now it was a wash. I had already taken my ADHD medication too so that was a waste as well. I changed into my pajamas and went downstairs to Jesse. I thought about trying to get him to come upstairs again but I ended up just lying next to him for a while. He woke up and I asked him to come upstairs with me. He said, “Aren’t you going to church?” and I told him how I was feeling. He came upstairs and snuggled with me and we slept until about 2-230. When I woke up I was feeling much better. I guess sometimes you just need time and a good night’s rest to have a better perspective on things.